One of the most beautiful sights in the world to me.........
I've been through many difficult times in my life, but none more difficult than not being able to have a baby; it even outweighed losing my Mum when I was the tender age of 17.
I met Alan, my now husband, when I was 36. The clock was ticking and I was very upfront about the fact that I wanted children - I didn't have time to waste and if he didn't want children too then I wasn't hanging around.
Thankfully he agreed that children were on his agenda too and so we embarked on what has become the most wonderful relationship in my life. I do consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world to have found him.........
Our relationshiop progressed and because of the ticking time bomb we didn't hold back in our efforts to get pregnant. But that didn't happen...... and when we'd been together for 2 years and still no pregnancy we went to the Dr to ask for some investigations.
And so it began. The rollercoaster. The endless time-critical tests, the disappointments, the bombshells, the hope, the crushing let downs.
I don't think I'll ever forget the day when we had it in black and white - NO EGGS, NO SPERM.
I'd arrived home really late because my tyre had blown on the motorway - very scary - and Alan had had to come to rescue me. The letter from the Consultant was there, waiting for us.
We'd had an appointment a few days before but there's nothing quite like seeing it in writing is there? I rang my sister to tell her about it and she asked me what I was feeling, "nothing" I replied " I'm not feeling anything".
The next morning I woke really early; half past 5 in fact. I lay in bed thinking about the letter. All I could see was NO EGGS, NO SPERM, like alternate flashing lights, shouting at me, "NO EGGS, NO SPERM. NO EGGS, NO SPERM". And this huge wave of emotion BURST out. I felt it rising from the very depths of me, from the places I didn't even know existed. And there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. As the first sob emerged Alan was awake, holding me, in a vice like grip in, like he would NEVER let me go.
I don't remember how long we lay like that for. Clinging onto each other like life would end if we let each other go. Sobbing uncontrollably. I don't know how I managed to get a hold of myself enough to get ready for, and go to, work.
I don't know how I managed to get through that day........ If the truth be known, I don't remember much else about that day....... I do know that I had the endless support of my colleagues, without whom the journey would have been even harder.
My daughter Mia was born on the 4th November 2016. The story of how she came to be is for another post, but needless to say, the journey was long and extremely difficult. She is our miracle and I love her so much it makes me want to cry........
I was hanging Mia's washing on the line yesterday, and as I did I was thinking to myself how lucky we are. Everyday I am thankful that she is here. Everyday I know how blessed we are to have her. That once again, I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world..........
So this is one of the most beautiful sights in the world to me, and I still struggle to believe that this is in my garden...........