How To Not Care!
During my coaching sessions I take my students through a process that helps them to identify what it is they are hoping to achieve, to set some goals, and also to help them identfy things that might hold them back or get in the way of their success so we can start to work on those things together.
One of the most frequent things that students identify as a potential problem is what other people might think about what they're doing.
This is a tricky one because we have it built in to worry about what people might think of us.
We also worry and try to avoid criticism; that's part of our thought process that we have little control over. Something else that's built in to help us avoid looking bad.
All this stems from when we used to live a caves, and our being part of the group and fitting in was essential to our survival.
So, how to we stop caring what people think when we're hard-wired to fit in to the group?
Here are 13 top tips to help you not to care:
Make a list! When you're worried that 'EVERYONE' will be frowning about what you're up to, make a list! Write down you EXACTLY you're worried about. You'll find that there are probably only one or two people that you're feeling anxious about, and once you've identified who those people are it's easier to deal with.
Who taught you!? Have a good, hard think about who taught you to care about what other people think. It's probably someone from your childhood who said things like 'what will the neighbours think....?' or 'people will think that's weird!'. We all have limiting beliefs, but with a little work and practice you can overcome them.
Don't react!? Of course, for some of us getting defensive is our automatic reaction when we're being critised. The trouble is, when we have all guns blazing, that it stops us from hearing anything but the critcism, includign anything that might be helpful. So don;t react to the criticism. Listen to what's being said, and then decide what to take on board or not.
Was there effort!? If the person giving you feedback or advice has taken the time to find out about what you're up to then they may have something to say worth listening to. Of course, if they're just saying you;re an idiot because that's what they think and they haven't bothered to understand what you're doing then I'd be wondering why their commenting........
Is it about you? Most of the time when people pass negative comments it's a reflection of what they thinbk about themselves, and the likelihood is that they're jealous of your courage and potential success.
Accept! Not everybody likes you! I know that's hard to believe but it's true. Deal with it, and move on.
It doesn't mean they're right! Just because someone decides to give you their opinion about you or what you're up to doesn't mean they're right about their judgement.
Remain polite! Always take the upper hand. Remain calm, be polite, and thank them for sharing their opinion. You'll be shown in a much better light than they will be.
Think about the catastrophy! That might sound a bit bonkers but if you know how you handle difficult situations then when one arises you'll be in a much better position to handle it!
People are fickle! People change their minds A LOT! Don;t concern yourself with what people think about what you're up to; they'll change their mind eventually anyway!
Make a commitment! Always be true to yourself. What is it you really want and whoi is the person inside that the world needs to see. Commit to being the real you, no one has the right to criticise you foe being who you are!
Allow yourself to fail! We are our worst critic and in most situations we like everything to be perfect, and then guess (incorrectly0 what will happen if we make a mistake. So allow yourself a few samll mistakes, and a few small failures, then watch to see what happens. NOTHING!
Only one chance! The ultimate truth about all of this is that you only have one life, one opportunity to achieve what you want to achieve, one chance. What's going to be in your epitaph? - 'he/she copped out because they worried what other people thought!?', OR 'he/she went for it! they aachieved their dreams and lived the life they wanted!' It's your choice.........
So, whan you're worried about what other peoiple will think of what you're up to, don't be!
Do what you want and need to do to achieve the things you want and need to achieve.
What's going to be in your epitaph!?........